This is the bisexual pride flag. The pink represents those who are attracted to the same sex; the blue represents those who are attracted to the opposite sex; the purple represents those attracted to both the same sex and opposite sex: bisexuals.
Bisexuality FAQ #2: If you've never had sexual relations with [insert gender here], how do you know you're really bisexual?
I've been asked this before by a few people, since I've never had sex, let alone a kiss, with a woman. So, yeah, I'm not a "virgin," but I guess I'm a "virgin" among woman. My question is: If you are a virgin - how do you know you're attracted to guys and/or girls if you've never slept with one? And if you're not a virgin, how did you know you were attracted to guys and/or girls before you ever had sex with one?
Usually this makes people realize how ridiculous this question is.
You don't have to have sex with someone to know that you're attracted to them. If people fucked everyone they were attracted to, the world would probably be an extremely overpopulated place, or at least there would be a lot more emotional problems from broken hearts.
So I was googling yesterday and looking up "bisexual quizzes," just for fun. These are quizzes such as "How bisexual are you?" or "Are you straight, gay, or bisexual?" Obviously professionals didn't write these, but I thought it would be interesting to see just how "bisexual" I "really" am.
I noticed that these quizzes are stuffed with misinformation about bis. Like, if you haven't done anything with both genders at the same time, you're not bisexual, or if you're a woman who prefers women right now over guys and don't like both genders equally, you must be lesbian. It was pretty funny because it was just so ridiculous.
Anyway, the most common misconception I was faced with when I did score as "bisexual" was that I must be confused, as if I just had trouble picking which gender I wanted to be with and couldn't figure out whether I'm gay or straight. I mean obviously those are the only two options right?
Ok, so it didn't really surprise me that quizzes made up by random people just for fun would be filled with bisexual stereotypes, but what does kinda surprise me is how many people actually believe this myth. It does make sense, though. As we grow up, we're not really taught about different sexual orientations other than heterosexuality, and bisexuality is a mystery to many heterosexuals as well as homosexuals. So, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised how many people are confused about bis and would prefer to assume that we're all just confused.
Many bis find themselves confused when they first start realizing that they are not attracted to just one gender, as they had likely thought they were before. I know I was extremely befuddled by my new-found attraction to women at first. Over time, though, those of us who like to refer to ourselves as bi, do not consider ourselves confused: in fact, things finally become clear. For me, I was more confused before I actually learned about bisexuality than I am now. Now that I know that bisexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation and that it doesn't simply mean that you want to f**k everyone, it makes so much sense - I realize that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to both genders, and the longer it has been that I know I've been attracted to both genders, the less confused I've become and the more I know that it isn't just a phase.
Bisexuals aren't trying to figure out whether they're straight or gay. We know what we like and we know that we can be attracted to people of either gender, just like how straight people know they're attracted to MOTOS and gay people know they are attracted to MOTSS. We clearly know that we like both MOTOS and MOTSS.
I don't know if it's just American culture or Western thought, but I notice so many people "don't believe" in bisexuality - as though sexuality and sexual orientation is this rigid, black and white thing. One thing I have learned in life so far is that pretty much nothing is "black and white." I personally like to believe that sexuality is fluid, meaning that people all over can vary in many different ways, and that there is no one right or wrong way to be.
So many of us have grown up with the concept that you are either straight or gay, man or woman, that the idea of being any different from that social norm is a strange concept.
Accepting the fact that maybe we're not all one way or the other was originally difficult for me too. Before I could come out to anyone about being bisexual, I had to "come out" to myself. I had always been raised thinking that if I am attracted to guys, I must be straight, and if I am attracted to girls, I must be a lesbian. I had gone my whole life thinking that I was straight, because I liked boys and wanted a boyfriend in high school, and finally started dating in college. And when I had my first real, major crush on a woman? I was confused as hell. Any time I was in the least bit attracted to a girl, I tried to push it out of my mind, telling myself that I just wished I looked like her, not that I actually liked her. Eventually, I couldn't deny my attraction anymore, because I had practically fallen head-over-heels for this amazing girl.
And I knew I wasn't lesbian, because I still found guys attractive too. This is when I started to do as much research as possible about something other than what I had been taught - I found out about bisexuality and I wanted to know everything about it to see if this was "happening to me."
Over time, I started to become more comfortable with being bi, and I also knew I could definitely not deny it. Before I met my current partner (a male, if you must know), I pretty much was interested in men and women equally... as more time went on, and I fell more and more in love with my boyfriend, I began to realize that I was becoming less attracted to men and more attracted to women, until the point where he is the only man I'm attracted to and if I ever notice anyone else, she is a woman. And am I a lesbian in denial? No. I think it's just that my "opposite sex desires" are fulfilled by him, but my "same sex desires" are not.
Does that mean I'll experiment with a woman? Not as long as I love him and am with him, simply because he and I agreed to be monogamous, and I'm going to stick to that, regardless of what attraction I feel for a woman.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with fantasizing ;-)
Ok, so I do want to put a bit of REAL information about bisexuals in this blog. To start off, I thought that I should write about a myth or a question a day and give people the facts about this myth and/or question.
Bisexuality Question #1: What is the definition of Bisexuality and who qualifies as a bisexual person?
This question doesn't really have a straight-forward, decided answer. In the simplest of definitions, "bisexuality" is the sexual, emotional, and/or intimate attraction to both genders, or having sexual relations and/or fantasies with both genders (not necessarily at the same time). People have their own variations on this definition - it's definitely not as simple as black and white. But what bisexuality does include somewhere is attraction and the possible willingness to act on that attraction, of members of either gender, not necessarily at the same time.
A "bisexual" is determined pretty much on a person-to-person basis. For example, I consider myself bisexual, even though I've only had sexual relations with members of the opposite sex (MOTOS), because I am extremely attracted to members of the same sex (MOTSS) and if the timing and circumstances were right, I would definitely want "something more than friends" (if you catch my drift) with a MOTSS. And, yes, I am still bi even though I've never done anything sexual with a MOTSS.
Basically, being "bi" is just a label, so just as most people wouldn't deny people who consider themselves to be heterosexual the right to call themselves "straight," those of us who consider ourselves bisexual shouldn't be denied the right to call ourselves "bi." Now, some people who are attracted to both MOTOS and MOTSS, don't consider themselves bisexual, and they have the right to say that they are either gay or straight if they wish. Let people label themselves, if they want to.
Any questions? Feel free to comment with questions or, well, comments :)
I think in the next blog, I'll talk about a common bisexual myth.
I have a tendency to act as a magnet of sorts to "clingy" people. Ok, I don't mean to be a total bitch and bore...and most of my friends are definitely not the clingy-type. But, it's happened again: I've made a new friend, and as soon as I show any sign of being somewhat close, listening, and opening up, he always wants to hang out. And I mean ALWAYS.
Seriously. I don't answer the phone, he freaks out. I don't answer the phone again (I'm sorry if I'm talking to someone and don't want to be rude) and he's hysterical. I ignore the ringing a third time and he's crawling out of his skin and blowing up. He wants to spend every waking minute together. He doesn't understand the concept of "I'm busy," or "I can't now." He wants to hang out everywhere - even if I have to run errands.
And honestly, I don't mind spending time with him, he just doesn't understand when it's just too much time together. He wants to sleep over, and I have a boyfriend. I'm catching up with a friend I haven't seen in months and he wants to tag along. I tell him that I'm taken and that other than my boyfriend, I'm only attracted to women, and he says if I want anything on the side, he's there for me. Ok, not to be rude, but when I say I'm taken, that means that I don't want "someone on the side."
Ok, I know... you're thinking "shut up, stop complaining. Everyone's been there before." But seriously, I don't know what it is about me, but this is at least the 10th person who's been like this. I enjoy spending some time with someone I just met, because we have similar interests, and I'd like to get to know them as a friend. Then they want to spend more time with me than any of my other friends, get pissed if I don't leave time open for them (or if I spend time with my boyfriend or best friends), and act like we are best friends or dating or something. They think there's a "connection," which clearly means we must be connected at the hip for all eternity, of course. One guy even started stalking me - actually stalking me. Fun stuff.
Anyway, not to complain, because I know, pretty much that's all people do on this website (just kidding!), but just wanted to get that out there of how frustrating this is.
And the saddest part is that before all this clinginess, I thought he was pretty cool guy and would make a pretty cool new friend. But, that always happens.